Cooking as a Career Path

I was always interested in food because my mom was a really good cook and we ate really well.  She always laid a beautiful setting and used good, local food.

But I was actually unsure what I was going to do with myself.  I was working at a restaurant, a summer ski camp restaurant, and a woman who was working with me said, “The movie business is starting to build in Vancouver and they really need catering.  I’m wondering if you would come and be my assistant because I’m going to start a company.”  And I said, “Sure, I could do that – you know, until I decide what I want to do at university.”

It turned out that I loved it!  It was interesting and fun.  Eventually, I left her and went out on my own and ran my own movie business catering company for twelve years.  It was a great kind of cooking because unlike in restaurants, the menu is up to you every day, you make whatever you want to make.  It was a great way to learn to cook.

Then I decided to go to a cooking school in Paris, the École de Cuisine la Varenne.  So after I had almost been a self-taught chef, I went and became a chef, went to school, got a diploma.  The experience in Paris was fantastic, although I think I learned a lot of my craft on my own, just from reading and loving to cook and running my catering company.

So that’s how I got into cooking, just kind of by fluke.  And when I went to the cooking school, I met all sorts of people from all over the world who were chefs and caterers, and I knew that was definitely how I wanted to make my living.

The Cookbook Story

After I married my husband, we continued to live in Vancouver.  Mike worked in the ski business and I kept working as a movie and film caterer.  So he was working away and I was catering away, and then one day he got offered a job in Nelson as manager at the Whitewater Ski Resort.  So he moved to Nelson, and I soon followed him, giving up my movie business catering company.  In Nelson, I started another business called Pink Peppercorn, a catering company for weddings and parties and Christmas events.

Within a year, however, the ski resort was in danger of going bankrupt, of just being shut down, and there would be no more skiing for the Nelsonites.  So we got together with a group of ten other local businessmen and we put in an offer and bought the ski area, the group of us.  It was risky, we were taking a big, huge gamble, buying into a ski area that depended on things like snow and tourists and maintenance and staffing. It was a great big unknown.  But we bit the bullet and decided to buy into it, and therefore Mike was able to continue on as manager.

And because my background was in food, I took over the little cafe at the resort, which at that time was a little, basic, fries-and-hot-dog-and-hamburger cafe.  I just knew there was no way I could go from my background in catering to being satisfied with running a basic cafeteria.  So I turned it into the Fresh Tracks Cafe, a trendy little upscale cafeteria or cafe similar to what you would find anywhere in a big city, with interesting food and everything homemade – all of the soup stocks, even the burger patties and the baking.  Everything was made totally from scratch.

After a while, we built a reputation, and people started to come to Nelson not only for the skiing, but also almost as much for the food – it seemed like they fell in love with the food.  And I began to have some great interviews – I had one with Sunset Magazine and the New York Times, and a huge one with More Magazine.  It just grew from there.

And then customers and friends started begging for the recipes.  They would say, “Can you give me the recipe for this or that”, and at first I was writing out the recipes by hand and giving them out.  But I was doing this so often, I finally just decided, with my friend, Lori McGuinnes – it was actually her prompting – to put them into a book.  We had kids the same age, and we were standing outside the school one day and she said “Shelley, you have got to get the recipes from Whitewater and put them together in a book because everybody is wanting them all the time.”  She said “I’ll help type, I’ll do anything it takes to get this project going.”

So I went through the task of figuring out how to write a cookbook.

I started out by just taking a recipe I loved from Whitewater and turning it into a recipe to serve eight instead of 200.  Then I would test it and test it, and then I gave the recipe to Lori, and she would type it out and start the file, and that’s how the first book – Whitewater Cooks: Pure, Simple and Real Creations from the Fresh Tracks Cafe – got started.

Then I went out and found a designer – actually, I went through a few different designers – to help turn my recipes and photos into the text you need to send to the printer. I found an excellent girl, she was freshly out of graphic design school, only 23 years old, and so talented and sharp.  Her name is Minn Benedict.  I went to her with my huge box of files and I said, “Here’s my work, what do you think?” Together we came up with a look that we really liked, and from there we just worked together, on each recipe.  It takes a long time.  You have to make sure each recipe fits the page, everything looks the same, decide how the picture layout will be, how many pages per book, etc.

The photographer, David Gluns, had never done food before either – he was a sports photographer – so for him the food part was really fun and challenging.  He would come over and I would take food out of the oven, and I would have all the different setups lined up – all the different plates, lighting, tables, napkins – and he would take probably 100 photos of each dish. Then we would go through the hundred photos and pick one.  Our criterion was always, “OK, which picture makes you want to eat that the most?”

It took a year, but we did it, we put it together and got it published.  Then all the books arrived, and I was pretty nervous because I had no idea if ten were going to sell, or 100 or zero.  I think we had 5000 books in the first printing, which seemed outrageous.  But it arrived in December 2006, and they all sold, I think within a couple of months or maybe six months.  It was obvious that people were loving the recipes.  So I just kept printing them.

And then about a year later, I would be walking down the street in Nelson or wherever, and people would tell me, “Time for another cookbook!”  So I made another one – Whitewater Cooks at Home.  And I thought that was it, two was it.  It’s a lot of work.  It definitely takes a full year of testing and developing the recipes, doing the photographs and everything.

But the second one was so popular, that last year, I made a third – Whitewater Cooks with Friends.

The Ski Business Story

When we bought Whitewater, were very young and we couldn’t even borrow any money from the bank, so we had to find private funds.  Even my father thought it was nuts – we asked him if he would co-signed the loan and he said, “No way! I’m not helping you with a ski area.  Do you know what a risky business that is?”

But my husband is a very good businessman.  He had a degree in business from Carleton and also took the ski area management program at Selkirk College.  We also had the support and encouragement of a friend of ours, Tex Mowatt, who actually discovered Whitewater, is a very good businessman and used to be the mayor of Nelson.  He really convinced us that this would be a good move for us.  So although we were nervous because we had no idea what would happen – and we did have some tough times – we decided to rely on Tex’s advice and my husband’s knowledge of money and business and ski areas, and just go for it.  But it was scary, because I think I was only 27, and he was 32.  It was before we even had our kids.

The next big decision of our lives came after seven years of owning the ski area with ten people, when my husband and I decided we wanted to own it on our own.  It was just becoming complicated – every time we wanted to change something, it meant we had to get together with ten other guys to make a decision.  So we took another big, giant gamble in our lives, again on Tex’s advice.

He said “Mike, Shelley, I think it’s time that you guys make an offer to the other owners that they can’t refuse.”  And he was really right, that was the way to do it.  We made an offer to each of the ten guys to buy them out.  And they all said yes.  Each of them got quite a nice little chunk of money, because we wanted to make sure that they were not just selling because we want them out, but because the offer was fair.

Then we took over, just Mike and I, and it was just the two of us to run it and talk about it.  And for about the last 12 years, it was the only Ma-and-Pa owned ski area in North America.  He did everything with the lifts and in the downstairs, the accounting and everything, and I ran the upstairs, bar, cafeteria, retail-type stuff.  And we got excellent managers underneath us.  We sort of divided up the business that way, went to work every day, ran our little business, and the kids were up there all the time.

Then, about three years ago – we weren’t actually planning to retire yet, we were going to work until we were about 55 and 60 – but some really great guys from Calgary came along, three guys that loved skiing, and had families and loved Whitewater.  They’d been going there for years as customers, and they said, “We really want to own this place.”  They made us an offer, and after not much negotiating, we said yes.

We love these guys that took over, they’re the best thing for Whitewater and the locals love them.  They put in a new lift and they kept all the managers that worked for us, and they’re totally happy with them.  So that was really good news.

And Mike and I have become really good friends with one of the couples.  We went to Italy with them in the spring, and we just came home from Banff where we went hiking together and went in a bike race with them.  They are great people and we are thrilled that they are the ones who took over our business.

Family Life

At Whitewater, the kids would come up skiing on the weekends, and it was fine.  The only hard part was that we always had to work Christmas, spring break and weekends throughout winter, so our kids’ Christmas was that Mom and Dad go to work in the ski area. Which was fine, we just didn’t get to go on any holidays like regular families or take weekends off.

But we had a little trailer up there that was really cozy and cute.  They would come up and go skiing, and when they got tired of skiing they would go hang out in the trailer with their friends and watch TV or read or eat fries or get out of their ski boots and just kind of wait until we were finished work. It was probably a bit frantic for them at times, especially at Christmas because we were pretty busy and preoccupied.

But the great thing was that I never worked a single summer in their whole lives.  So from the time they were babies to teenagers, summers were always just me and the kids, and Mike could take most of the summer off.  So that was a real bonus.

I’m sure when they look back on some of the winters, they probably think, “Wow! My parents were frantically busy!” But because we were at a ski resort, they skied – especially my son, he would just come up and ski all day anyway. My daughter didn’t love skiing as much but she stayed home and she probably liked that too, to have the weekend with us gone and her girlfriends there. That was just our lifestyle.

When it came time for us to sell and we had an offer, we asked both of them if they want to take over, and they said, “No way would we want to work as hard as you guys!”

My son is 21, he’s in physics at McGill, so he going to be a physicist.  And our daughter is 22, she’s at UBC, taking political science and thinking possibly to become a lawyer. Totally opposite to what their parents did. You never know what your kids are going to turn out like.  But they didn’t want to be self-employed ski area managers like us.

Both of my children have all three of my cookbooks in their kitchens in their houses, and that’s the food they like all the time.  My son will make dinner for all the guys in his big, goofy house of guys, and my daughter will make delicious healthy things, so for them it’s a gift.  They’re used to watching the whole process, and they both ended up being very good cooks.  And they like having a collection of their mother’s recipes.

The Rewards

If it hadn’t been for Whitewater, there would never have been a cookbook.  And if there hadn’t been the first cookbook, there would never have been the second, or the third. And the exciting news for the third is that I’m actually just in the midst of booking a plane ticket, because the third one has been voted in the top three books in Canada in the Taste Canada Culinary Writing Awards in November. I’m super excited!

I had entered the first two cookbooks and they didn’t even make the top ten.  I entered the third one in October when it came out, and on January 1, I found out it was in the top 10.  Then, on August 1 when they announced the top three, I went onto their website and there was my little name!  I was thrilled, I could hardly believe it.  So I and my husband and the kids and lots of girlfriends and all the people who helped work on the book, we’re all going to the big gala awards on November 5 in Toronto.  I’ll find out between 6:30 and 7:30 that evening who is the winner.

It’s pretty exciting because it’s almost like the little cookbook that could.  The whole thing was totally not preplanned, absolutely not.  It went from, “Oh, let’s put some recipes together,” to being one of the top three in Canada.  Except I kind of almost hope I don’t win because I’m not a very good speech writer!  I’ll have to get some help from somebody.

Mostly, though, the part that I love is knowing that, now that there are probably a hundred thousand of my books out there, there are a lot of people making those recipes that I love too.  Those are my favorite recipes that I put together in the books, and it’s fun to know that they’re all out there having happy, yummy, successful lives in all sorts of situations from weddings to potlucks.

I get emails all the time saying things like, “Hi Shelley, I’m having a shower for my daughter and we’re making everything from the Whitewater cookbooks.”  Or I get emails from the nutrition department of the Lions Gate Hospital saying, “Hi Shelley, just wanted to let you know that we recommend your books for healthy eating to people who come to us for nutritional advice”.

Here’s a funny story about my Hungarian Mushroom Barley Soup.  Last week we were mountain biking on Vancouver Island.  We were up at the top of this trail, just sitting at the top – there’s this bench where you can rest before you ride down – and this woman came out of the bushes with this huge, beautiful basket of mushrooms she had picked.  I looked at her – she wasn’t a cyclist, she was just his gal coming out of the bushes with a big basket of mushrooms – and I said, “What beautiful mushrooms. What are you going to do with them?”

She said, “I’m going to make this really good Hungarian mushroom soup.”

I asked her, “Does it have sherry and sour cream and paprika and fresh dill and lemon and barley?”

And she said, “Yes, it does.  It’s a recipe from the Whitewater cookbook.”

It’s a really funny story to me because we really were out in the middle of nowhere.  And here’s this gal, just popping out of the bushes, and that was her intention in picking those mushrooms, to make that soup out of my cookbook!

Life After Whitewater Resort

I’m fairly busy with the world of bike riding now, and we have a fairly active outdoor life.  My husband races a lot in the Masters cycling races, but we also have been going in all the Gran Fondo series races, in Kelowna and Whistler and Penticton and such.  And last year we did a five-day bicycle tour in Italy.  We also go to Europe in the spring now that we’re retired, to train, train, train, and then we come home and go in as many races as we can.  We also to do more hiking. We’re pretty active now.  It’s marvelous to have the time. And I have the kids that I go and visit.

My cooking now is very simple and quick.  I usually know in the morning what we’re going to have for dinner and I have it marinating.  I’d say we eat at home almost every night, especially in the summertime when the kids are home and I want them home for dinner.  I announce in the morning what we’re eating that night and they say, “OK, see you at six.”  So every night at six our kids are home at the dinner table, which I love.  I still really like food and I still put effort into having a good dinner every day.

And actually this year we had a lot of work done on our house so we were making lunch for painters, carpenters, etc. We had a long table outside with an umbrella and we’d all sit down in our working gear and eat a very healthy, lovely lunch. It was very fun, actually.  I loved feeding them lunch.

New Projects

I’m planning a fourth book, starting in January.  I think it’s going to be called Whitewater Cooks for Life. It’s going to be my healthiest one yet, lots of gluten-free, wheat-free, and vegan recipes.  It will still be based on using fresh and healthy foods, but a little more geared towards people who are wheat-free, because that’s the way we eat now.  We are doing cooking all the time now that doesn’t involve wheat and it’s actually pretty easy. So there will be one more.

And it’s the same team exactly, the same designer, same photographer, and my friend and assistant Marianne Abraham.  So we’ll all be back together working on this in January.  I think it should be coming out in November.

But I’ve also started something else right now that I’m excited about.  I’m going to bottle some of the sauces and dressings in my books, like the Glory Bowl, which was really popular.  We’ll be working on that in the next couple of months, so soon it will be on the shelves and people will be able to go out and buy their favourite sauces from my books without having to make them.

Personal Qualities That Contribute to Success

I’m super hard-working and energetic.  With employees, I’m very caring and open and honest, and I let people have lots of freedom at the same time.  I think I’m pretty fun and creative – I think fun really works in a kitchen because kitchen work is really hard.  And I think people liked the fact that I cared so much that the food was delicious.  If the staff can see that the owner really cares, then they’re going to follow in those footsteps and do the same thing.

Looking Back

I don’t know if it was our intention to create such a unique life for ourselves, but it sure worked out, for both Mike and I.  You know, he’s a business degree guy, he could have been an accountant in a brown suit.  Instead he was a ski area manager in a really nice ski suit, skiing around.  We’ve had a very nice life of work and raising our kids in this little town of Nelson.  Neither of us would have ever guessed that we would end up in a small town like this but now we’re hooked, we love it here, we have lots of friends and we live right on the lake in a cute little house and that’s where we plan to live forever.

Now that we’re retired, we look back and we think, “We had a really good job.  That was a nice way to spend 30 years of our working life.” It really was.  I’m really fortunate that my life turned out to be that way, that all those working years and kid-raising years were spent doing hard work but in an environment that I love.  My job was two things I love, cooking and skiing. I don’t know how often that happens to people.

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The quest for perfection, a characteristic often found in women, and even more so in female legal professionals, is useful to us in many ways. Excellence in the quality of work, methodology, concern for detail, meeting of deadlines and budgets, and the list goes on. When it comes to the practice of law, the quest for perfection is essential.

That being said, in all its aspects and from every angle, this quest for perfection can create significant problems when it is applied to our lives as a whole.

On the one hand, it can contribute to diminishing our quality of life and our self-esteem, interfering with our pursuit of happiness and balance. Despite all the time we invest and the effort we put in, unfortunately we all too often feel that we should be doing more, doing it better, that we should succeed at everything, be perfect, excel at everything, be recognized in all areas, and be loved by everyone. That we should constantly be the best of mothers, wives, sisters, and children, the best at the office, the best on the board of directors, the best in business development, and in each and every single one of our social commitments.

Conversely, this quest for perfection can stifle our courage and discourage us from applying for important positions, becoming involved, challenging and even surpassing ourselves.

Sometimes, out of fear of not attaining perfection, we don’t dare become involved in a project or an important office or political committee, or a professional or charitable organization. Some women don’t dare become partners, climb the organizational ladder, accept promotions, or work towards new objectives and greater goals. Still out of fear of not attaining perfection, of not being good enough, some women don’t dare accept the responsibility of representing a major client or attempting business development. Some women don’t dare speak at conferences, argue certain cases, or handle certain business deals. Or maybe they shy away from sitting on a board or applying to become a judge. Some women even go so far as to leave the profession – women of exceptional quality who have the talent and potential to continue.

How many women have turned down opportunities because they felt they weren’t good enough, or because they feared they couldn’t reach perfection? And how many of those women, after having let opportunity after opportunity pass them by, wind up thinking, “Why didn’t I go? I know I could have done it.” Some even go on to add, “I could have done a better job than so-and-so.”

And so, this infamous quest for perfection can lead to two major issues. On the one hand, it can undermine our self-esteem, and on the other it can make us timid, thus stifling our progress.

I tried to think of some possible solutions that might help us, as women, confront these issues. I began to wonder, might the solution be an obligation of means?

All in all, what if doing our best were enough?

Think about it for a moment.

Wouldn’t we be more likely to be more daring in our lives if we allowed ourselves to be wrong, if we gave ourselves permission to make mistakes, if we accepted the fact that perfection is not attainable? My thought is yes.

Wouldn’t we be happier if we got rid of our feelings of personal guilt concerning the imperfection of our acts and deeds? Wouldn’t we be even prouder of ourselves if we told ourselves that doing our best was already great? I think so. I think that we need to let go of our never-ending quest for perfection in everything we do. Instead, every day, we simply need to try our best, and love ourselves as we are. I think we’d all be more confident if we only reasoned, “Today, despite any small mistakes or imperfections or lack of time, I reached my goals because I did my best.” Wouldn’t we all be more content and closer to happiness? I may be wrong (for I give myself the right to make mistakes), but I think the answer is yes!

For those of you who may be skeptical and for all you steadfast perfectionists, I would like to clarify what I’m saying. It is my belief that doing our best still implies making use of all reasonable means at our disposal in order to achieve the desired performance, the desired result. To do everything necessary and to take serious control in order to do what needs to be done.

Without really knowing it, and without defining it that clearly, I began applying this attitude to my life in 2005, after having my second child. At the time, I was working in a major law firm, the mother of two young children and an avid seeker of perfection. I began to strongly question things, even going so far as to consider leaving the profession.

But I realized that quitting wasn’t the solution. Having adopted this new way of thinking, I decided to take matters into my own hands and launch myself into business. Today I am still a lawyer; the mother of four children, ages 2, 3, 7, and 8, happily married, a businesswoman and the chair and founder of a law firm that was just named one of the Top 10 regional firms in Quebec. I am also the Chair of the National Women Lawyers Forum of the Canadian Bar Association and am involved with the Montreal Bar.

In all of these areas, I have made mistakes and have committed blunders, but I have also forgiven myself for them. In every instance, I didn’t let my sense of guilt or my quest for perfection get to me as it had in the past. I think the force that helps me to keep going and to do everything (or at least try to do everything) lies in my belief that, right or wrong, I have the right to make mistakes, and in all things and in all situations, I at least try to do my best. And do you know what? That’s enough for me!
And what is most extraordinary is that I am deeply happy, and you can’t put a price on that.

And so I would encourage you to do a bit of soul searching.

If these thoughts can help you, either to feel less guilty, even for a moment, or inspire you with drive, even if it’s just for one project, then I will have accomplished something extraordinary, and you will have too.

Yikes.  It takes all my best refereeing skills to get through days like that.  Although you and I both know that if I’m smart or have the available time, I can cut all the squabbling short by doing one simple thing: getting them out of the house.

It’s a no-brainer for most parents.  Change the scenery, and you pull the rug out from under whatever drama your kids have gotten themselves wrapped up in.  The funny thing is, we often forget that this technique works on adults too.  And on days when you are feeling cranky or funked-out for one reason or another, it could be just what the doctor ordered.

Here’s how this particular revelation came to me.

I work for myself. From home. Doing legal research, and writing elegant yet compelling memoranda and pleadings and contracts.  It is fairly solitary, intellectual work that requires me to spend a lot of time being intimate with, well, my computer screen, my keyboard, my brain, two or three of the best legal search engines, and the four walls of my office.  Not real chatty interactions, those, for the most part.  Although I have clients (God bless them), I have no co-workers.  And I live in Canmore, Alberta, a town of 12,000 people, about a 75 minute drive away from most colleagues, competitors, and networking opportunities of significance to my line of work.

And most of the time, this is OK with me.  Because, first of all, I like what I do, and I like that I can get paid to do it, from home, for good clients, on my terms.  These are very big perqs, and I know I’m lucky to have them.  How many people can commute from their breakfast table to their office in less than 30 seconds?  How many can look out their office window every day and see things like this?

I’m also naturally a bit of an introvert, so a certain degree of solitariness does not bother me as much as it might some other people.  In fact, there are many days when I quite enjoy it.  No water cooler rumour mill, no office politics.  It makes legal practice almost peaceful.

But there are downsides to this splendid isolation.  I am, after all, human, and subject to certain weaknesses of my kind.  Key among them (at least as far as work is concerned) is that in the absence of frequent opportunities to measure myself against others in my field, I sometimes lose a sense of perspective and begin to fear that I am falling behind, or not as sharp as I used to be, or not as competent as a I should be, or not as good as the next guy, or, or, or…

So it was good for me this past week to make the hour-plus drive into Calgary to attend a keynote luncheon hosted by the Association of Women Lawyers (AWL).  The speaker was Anne Giardini, Q.C., a very accomplished lawyer and President of Weyerhaeuser Company Limited, as well as the author of two novels.  She spoke eloquently, as befits a lawyer/writer, on a provocative topic: “Having It All – On Your Own Terms”.  Well goodness, who among us doesn’t want to know the key to that magic formula!

And her speech was good – insightful, humourous, encouraging, but also – importantly – realistic.  Of course there is no magic formula.  We all know that, although sometimes, perhaps, we harbor a secret hope that someone will surprise us by pulling one out of a hat after all.  What I took away (and I do not necessarily claim to be summarizing Ms Giardini here) was that a meaningful, authentic life is available – but what makes it meaningful and authentic is personal, and so we have to look inside ourselves and find our own way.

But I digress.  At least I think I do.  Because what I meant to convey about why this brief foray into the company of my professional peers was good for me was that it shook up my mindset, cleared away some debris, and settled me down.  By getting out of my quiet office and interacting with colleagues, real time, I got my perspective back.  I remembered what I am good at.  I remembered how I got good at those things.  And I remembered also that although there are some things I am less good at, it’s OK because I have a plan for how I’m going to get better.

One simple luncheon was all it took.  A corrective that is so simple to implement, yet so effective.  I am going to plan to get out of my house a little more often.

Here is her story, in her own words.

My mantra:

Everything happens for a reason…so pay close attention.

My beginning:

I immigrated to Canada from Denmark when I was two years old, with my parents and three older sisters. Within a few short years, the number of my siblings grew to seven, making me a true middle child. We lived in small rural towns for my entire childhood and adolescence. The largest one, Zephyr,  had a population of about 500 people.

In my younger years, I was extremely shy and lacking in confidence – I remember that my comfort zone was to be as invisible as possible. Thankfully, this changed as I grew toward adulthood. I suspect my mother would have preferred me to stay shy a little longer, instead of turning into the teen rebel that I became. Looking back now, I shake my head at some of the things I did. I was pretty naïve, dumb and lucky (see My fun stuff, below). But it was all part of growth and learning.

After high school:

I thought about college – university was not even on my radar – but liked the idea of getting regular paycheques better than going into debt. My objective at this stage was to move to Toronto, find a job, find a husband, return to the country, have kids, and be a stay-at-home mom.

I did move to Toronto and got a job within a week of graduating. After that, though, I got side-tracked from my original plan and never really got back to it. I accepted the first clerical job I was offered as a dicta typist in an insurance company. After a year, I applied to a law firm and was delighted when they not only hired me but promoted me in just a few months – I never expected to land a prestigious job as a legal secretary at the age of 19. I even took shorthand back then. I also worked in administration at Honda Canada (lots of party boys to play with – especially on the motorcycle side) and Universal Films (where one of the perks was to take home a 35mm film – but now I’m dating myself).

Moving into advertising is where my “job” evolved into a “career”. My advertising boss was a great mentor, though I don’t think he realized at the time that that’s what he was doing. He was tough and pushed me pretty hard, but also believed more in my abilities than I did. That experience, it turned out, was key to so much of what has followed.

After five years in advertising, I moved into a straight-commission position in the always interesting but sometimes unethical business of headhunting. I started in this role quite naïve and trusting and left with much more streets-smarts. Wow, it was great to be paid based on results, and my income expanded nicely over the next five years.

Then: wham, the ‘90s recession hit – almost immediately after buying my first (very leveraged) house. Almost overnight, the lucrative field of head-hunting dried up, and I was in trouble. I learned two things: first, with a big mortgage like I had, I couldn’t afford to get what my Mom referred to as a ‘real’ job (i.e., a steady, salaried job) – the math just didn’t add up.  Second, I learned that recessions offer opportunities for creative thinkers who can give belt-tightening companies good value and alternatives to traditional ways of doing business. This is when I began my own HR consulting business, Perceptive Edge, which I’m still running and loving to this day. During the first few months, as I was building my business, I waited tables on the side – that sure gave me motivation to expand my client list.

Perceptive Edge:

When I started, I had to hide the fact that I was working from a home office. I targeted entrepreneurs as my niche. My business started out as offering recruiting services on an hourly basis as an alternative to head-hunters. I was fortunate to have a few key clients who had other needs in the people-related area which evolved into doing employee audits, dealing with sensitive issues and in general working as their sounding board and coach on an as-needed basis. It expanded nicely due to referrals and repeat business and I’m still having fun.

About the only downside of working on my own is that it can sometimes be lonely, without others to brainstorm with. Recently, to help counter-act this, I brought in a delightful young lady who is now working as my associate…so far, so good!  I also addressed the isolation of working on my own by setting up a Mastermind group. This initiative bore fruit of more than one kind – one of the Mastermind members later became a very good friend and match-maker (see Life partner below).

My fun stuff:

My life started to get exciting when I was 17 and left home to work in a resort for the summer. One of my new and adventurous friends talked me into hitch-hiking to Florida, which I jumped at – I’d never been anywhere -this was my first chance at adventure!

I left with CAN $100 in cash, no credit cards and no clue the US didn’t take Canadian money. Our first attempt to cross the border resulted in us being turned back – so much for telling the truth. We modified our story and were admitted to the US easily. We met some kind people who not only picked us up and asked if we wanted to crash on their floor – they also fed us and drove us back to the highway. It wasn’t until day #2 when we manoeuvred out of a bad ride in Atlanta, Georgia that we learned our Canadian money was more like monopoly money. Thankfully the two officers who found us roaming the streets of Atlanta towing large suitcases at 4 am took us to a local restaurant and fed and protected us until daylight. Our thumbs got us safely back home a week later, the same day my postcard from Florida arrived home, giving Mom only a couple of hours of worry.

During my 20s and early 30s I partied a lot with my carefree friends and played lots of sports with no real direction in life. I lived mostly day to day having fun with friends and with the young men who passed through my life.

In my 30’s, I thought I should find a man, settle down and have kids, but my actions were not in alignment with these loose goals. After lots of self-help books and a little therapy, I realized I was sub-consciously attracted to non-committal men – likely something to do with like attracting like.

Reaching 40 took the pressure off as I’d made a deal with myself that having kids was no longer a good option. Plus, what if cosmic pay-back happened and I had a kid like me?!

Life partner:

At 42, I met my current life partner, Chuck, who was very different from men I had previously dated – a good guy, though still with a small streak of badness to keep him interesting. Fourteen years later, I am happy to say it seems to be working out well – for so many reasons.

Chuck is an entrepreneur, is adventurous, pushes me outside my comfort zone when I need it, loves to play, and is genuinely a good person. He was divorced for seven years before we met which meant he knew how to cook, do laundry and was independent and not needing to live the traditional “couple” life. He has two delightful daughters and I now have a grandson – without doing the heavy lifting. We enjoy each other’s friends and he’s enjoyed being an uncle to my/our nieces and nephews. And we love doing grandparent things with our five-year old darling Ethan.

Kids:

I rent rather than own. Thanks to my seven siblings, I have 15 nieces and nephews, plus eight (so far) in the next generation, that I love to borrow. Without having these many children in my life, there would have been a deep void, so a big thanks to all my sibs.

Friendship:

Friends are the family we choose. A girl needs girlfriends, and some men will never totally understand the importance of that. It’s important to me to spend weekends and sometimes weeks away with “just the girls”.

I love having people of all ages in my life, including friends half my age. I also love having diverse people in my life, as this broadens my thinking and tolerance.

One of the best life choices I made was to be a volunteer ski patroller for 21 years. I was an intermediate skier when I joined and knew nothing about the human body, so there was a steep learning curve. I met a bunch of fabulous peers of all ages, many of whom are now great friends/second family.

By patrolling, I had to stay in shape, had to ski on the awful days, got to cut lift lines on the beautiful days, made fresh tracks in the powder and of course, helped lots of injured skiers. Patrolling also gave me a place to belong which I found I needed being self-employed.

My life partner also found me on the hill – maybe he had a thing for women in uniform! He was actually referred to me by a friend and I was easy to hunt down. Some of the older guys on the patrol were like big brothers to me and checked him out to see what he was made of, and also pushed him on the slopes. He passed the test, and the rest is history.

Failing (I see it more as dusting off, learning and recovery):

So many people take the safe route. Thankfully, I’ve not been afraid of failure. I’ve often not landed where I planned but somehow the detours were interesting and often led me to where I was meant to be or to people I was meant to meet. I believe in coincidence. I’ve never believed that one needs to be specifically trained in an area before venturing forth. My natural strengths seem to continue to find me and the bumps I hit along the way offered lots of training. The school of hard knocks can offer a great education. I also believe bumps and scars develop into character.

Travelling to open your mind:

Before meeting Chuck, travel for me meant cookie-cutter trips to Club Med and ski resorts. Now, that has all changed. Our first trip was to the Grand Canyon where we hiked down and up in one day – he wanted to see what I was made of. We’ve since had many adventures to unusual places: Peru, China, Thailand, Cambodia, South Korea, India, a few countries in Europe and lots of travel to the US, where he spent the first half of his life. We also frequent the Caribbean on his boat, sometimes even during hurricane season. Travel is never dull with Chuck as my personal tour guide.

One very special trip (this one without Chuck) was to Arizona with my Mom and four sisters. It was great to see Mom enjoy being spoiled and to share beautiful Sedona with her, which is my most favourite place in the entire USA.

I also love introducing my nieces and nephews to travel. Several years ago, I had a fabulous bonding experience on a trip with to the Banff area with a 15-year-old niece (who’d never been on a plane – from personal experience, I thought she should know there are alternatives to using her thumb to see the world). We were joined by two other nieces from Vancouver, and then dropped in on yet another niece living in the flat plains in Lethbridge. How great to have them all together!

More recently, Chuck and I have made other trips with the younger generation – once to a resort in Arizona with three nieces in their early teens, and once on the boat in the Caribbean with three nephews in their late teens. Both trips were an absolute blast, and a time I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. It also gave me a taste of what it might be like to be the mom of teenagers. With the girls, our first dinner consisted of watermelon, chocolate and ice cream (hey, we’re not their parents!). With the boys, we learned that at that age, they are eating machines but have no idea what to put in the grocery cart. On that trip, one learned to scuba, we all rode scooters and all were stung by jellyfish. Memories none of us will forget.

Being an aunt and a nana:

Years from now when the next generation will go to therapy, their gripes will be the parents’ fault and not the aunt or nana’s fault! I absolutely love having these kids in my life and love to push them outside their comfort zone while doing the best I can to make them believe in themselves and be confident. Because we were immigrants and didn’t have any extended family, this kind of encouragement was probably a void I felt in my life. So I want them to know they can do and be anything they want, and that having a few stumbles along the way is great learning. I believe there is real value that aunts, uncles and grandparents can add to kids’ lives. Sometimes we may give the very same message as their parents, but it’s received differently.

And because it’s such a treat to borrow my nieces and nephews, we go out of our way to find new and unique things for them to do. We love taking the kids out for Asian food and they know the rule is that they either use the chopsticks or pay for their meal. Funny how quickly they learn to eat with chopsticks. We’ve also taught them how to go up the down escalators, and how to find their way on the subway and in airports. I was a natural follower for years; I want them to be in the driver’s seat of their own lives.

Important life lessons and breakthroughs:

Through all of this, I have unearthed a few gems:

• Don’t blame others for my lot in life unless I want them to continue to control me – that was a big aha! moment for me. When I finally stopped blaming my Dad for many of my challenges in life, many obstacles left my path. I also stopped feeling the need for his approval. What took me so long!
• When life gets rough, remember that many others have bigger problems. While I sold my first house at a loss and waited tables while starting my business, my 30-year-old girlfriend was dying of cancer. When people asked why I wasn’t more upset about my financial situation, the answer was easy – the loss of my friend put it all in perspective.
• Alcohol was my sub-conscious crutch early in my adult life because it gave me the courage to overcome my shyness in social settings. Twenty years later, for health reasons, I quit alcohol, which was tougher than I ever thought it would be, but a great breakthrough because I then discovered my true self (no ‘numbing’ required).
• Fire clients I don’t like working with – no matter how much I may need billings.

As a non-rule girl, here are some rules I believe in:

• View hurdles as lessons and opportunities for character-building;
• Surround myself with interesting people of all ages, and always have young people in my life;
• Remember how to be a kid and act like one often;
• Laugh often;
• Be tolerant and accepting of those different from myself – who knows, I may learn something;
• Accept and love my partner for who he is – if I ask him to change, he may also ask me to change…and how prepared am I to do that!
• Get to the gym and work up a sweat – it always feels good when I’m done;
• Eat healthy foods – this includes foods that release “happy endorphins” like chocolate and ice cream;
• The older I get, the less important it is to be liked by others – giving me more freedom to be myself;
• I love Dr. Phil’s quote “we teach others how to treat us”.

Things I’m still working on:

• Remembering that just because it’s on sale does not mean it’s a good deal;
• De-cluttering unnecessary stuff from my life;
• Eating treats in moderation;
• Understanding why my summer clothes shrink a size during the winter season;
• Staying current on electronics – new stuff comes out faster than my learning curve.

To sum up:

Overall, life has been good with many great adventures. I feel fortunate for all the great people in my life. I love being the (self-proclaimed) “favourite” aunt, and love to push and embarrass the young ones while still offering them a safe place to fall. I love the freedom of having my own consulting business – couldn’t imagine battling rush hour traffic, working regular hours, having to shop during crowded times and only getting 2-4 weeks of vacation per year – yuck! There are times I’d like to work more collaboratively with others but not enough to give up my freedom. I’ve found there are plenty of ways to work around that – ski patrol, Mastermind, friends and family – and find my place to belong.

We have a choice to take the optimist or pessimist routes in our lives. I’m choosing to live life with my glass half full.

Hmmm.  Interesting career move, you say?  You’d be right.  And it gets more interesting.  Today, Heather is a widely-published freelance writer about to embark on a year-long, blog-recorded trip around the world with her husband and two children.  Here, in her own words, is how she got to that place.

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When Linda asked if I’d be a part of the stories told on this site, I had two minds about it. On the one hand, I’m honoured. I love what she’s doing here and I believe in its importance. On the other hand…what to say?

I decided I wanted to share the one thing that has been a common thread and the most use to me throughout my life…losing control.

It has come to my attention that I am not to be trusted to steer the direction of my own life. Trying to do it has rarely met with success.  The opposite is also true: when left to its own devices, my life almost always ends up exactly where it is supposed to be.

As a kid, the lists I’d make in the spiral-bound school-years album where my mother kept each year’s school picture detailed all the things I wanted to be when I grew up – everything from a maid to a doctor.

Somewhere around the fourth grade, the notations changed. I wanted to be a writer. That year I started my first newspaper using the school’s old mimeograph machine and writing stories about classmates and school teams. Looking back, I’m not sure who read it, but I didn’t care. It was the writing of it that mattered.  There was no going back.  I wrote entire novels in grades 6 – 8 that never made it beyond my bedroom door and were based almost entirely on people I knew and crushes I had.

A co-op placement in grade 11 meant I was in a real newsroom for the first time. Our local weekly paper let me write a column about our school and suddenly, with better copy editors and a glamorous headshot photo, I was doing the thing I had fallen in love with years earlier.

There was never a question – despite foolish guidance counselors who tried to dissuade me – that I’d go off to Journalism school. And when I was done I knew where I wanted to be: The Toronto Star. And though it took more than just forcing an interview with the City Editor (did that), I did eventually get a job there.

End of story right? Girl dreams. Girl works hard. Girl gets wish.

And yet, no.

It seems sometimes – often – life hands you things you didn’t know you needed.

Three months into my contract position at the Toronto Star, a girlfriend called with a dilemma. She was studying for the LSAT (law school acceptance test) and had no one to practice with. I was working the night shift at the time and agreed to send away for the materials and do the practice exams with her. In order to get the materials, you had to list three law schools that you planned to apply to. Whatever. I picked three and got the materials. The questions were tough, but I did them the way people do Sudoku or crossword puzzles, never thinking I’d need to pass a test. And yet, when the time came for my friend to write the exam, I gave in and wrote it with her just to see how much I knew.

I passed with flying colours and was accepted to all three of the schools I’d listed despite having no interest in attending. I found it hilarious. I had only done the test for gloating rights, and gloat I did.

I walked around the newsroom telling anyone who would listen that I’d gotten into law school. Word got up to the paper’s Managing Editor who promised me heaven and earth – or at least consistent contractual work – if I went. I agreed and that September started law school at the University of Windsor.

I hated it from the start. Classes were fine but I felt like I was missing out on real life. Who cared about classes when there were stories waiting to be told?

I went to class sporadically – opting to spend mornings at the gym and afternoons napping – and grabbed notes from friends to study from. I became the Toronto Star’s Southwestern Correspondent and covered everything from labour disputes to Isaiah Thomas, the Detroit hero who was then basketball coach of the Toronto Raptors.

I thought I was maintaining control of my life.

When I finished school and went back to the Star looking for full-time work, editors had changed and it was suggested that I finish the lawyer process (write the bar and article (intern) at a firm) before coming back. I grudgingly agreed.

And that’s when I lost all control.

The year I accepted an articling position at a Bay Street law firm was the only year in the firm’s history where they offered a 2-for-1 special: article with the firm and you were guaranteed a first year associate position when you were done. At a salary that would put me very close to six figures, the hourly wage from the newspaper began to slip out of mind. From the moment I signed on, I was like a hamster in a fast-moving wheel. Except that I was not the one controlling the speed of the wheel.

Looking back, it wasn’t all bad – I found myself working with people I loved and who remain friends to this day; I learned a lot about people and our judicial system; and I grew as a person.

But while I was living it, it was a nightmare. Days would blend into night and I barely saw my new husband. Twice I worked 36 hours straight, sleeping in my chair. One of those times I was 7 months pregnant.

The next time I came up for air I was on mat leave with that first child.

Flipping through a Fit Pregnancy magazine I came across an ad that changed my life. There was a spa in Dallas, Texas that was dedicating a week to the ultimate in mother pampering. I dug out my Rolodex, called the spa and the newspaper and was off on my first travel writing story assignment. The story was a hit and I was offered a columnist position with the paper. I took it and for the next 5 years I took advantage of every weekend and holiday to dash off to somewhere else (while continuing to work at the law firm) and rekindle my passion for writing. I had rediscovered my lifeline.

Three years later, now the mother of a second son, I left the firm.

I am now a full-time freelance writer specializing in travel and lifestyle articles. I occasionally write about the law as well.

In July, I’ll fulfill a dream to travel around the world and my husband and two children will join me.

It is not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. It is not the straight line to a newsroom journalism career that I imagined for myself as I sat with the mimeograph machine in grade school.

It’s better.

My time at the firm was only one of several things that made no sense to me as I was living it. What was I doing in a law firm when I wanted to be a writer? The fact is, that seemingly off-side move was necessary for me to have the life I do.

Every wrinkle thrown into my life, including a completely tangential career in the law, has served me well.  What it has taught me is that there are no mistakes, just choices. And every one of them has the potential of offering you an even richer, more fulfilling time on this planet than you might ever imagine on your own.

Like the title says, it’s about women, and about the lives they live. Not famous women, necessarily, or spectacular women, but ordinary women, like you and me, and like your mother, sister, daughter, neighbor, colleague, teacher, student, friend….

It’s also about the pieces that go together to make a life, and how each of us chooses to arrange them. Pieces like love, family, money and health. Work and marriage.  Children (or not). Your past. Your future. Your self-esteem. Sex. Faith. Education. Loss. Etc .

Imagine sitting down to make a list of all the elements of your life that are jostling for time and space and attention, both inside and outside of you. Imagine taking the time to think about how all these pieces fit together, and how they have come to be arranged in the way that they are. (Imagine you had the time to do that – it’s a stretch, I know, but bear with me…)

Now imagine that lots of women you know and even more that you don’t all made their own lists. Imagine getting the chance to look at their lists, and hear them talk about why their lists look the way they do. If you like the sound of that, stick around.  Because that is what I hope to do with this blog.

Next, a bit about me.

Let me tell you first of all what I am not. I am not a psychologist or sociologist or any other kind of -ologist who would be qualified to counsel people or give advice.  So I will not attempt to do those things on this blog.

What I am is a woman, like most others, with a few pieces to my life.  For example, my life includes two children, one husband, a chronic illness (Crohn’s – his), a career path (mine) through law, technical writing and other detours,  aging in-laws, three divorced parents (one deceased and one I have not seen since I was five), a large, extended Danish-immigrant family, a more or less regular jogging-and-pilates exercise habit, a dream (that is far away from realization) of one day writing novels that someone will publish, and an upcoming move half way across the country.

I also have friends and acquaintances whose lives include some pieces that are similar to mine and other pieces that my life doesn’t have. Some have fought illness. Others have left established career paths to launch their own businesses. Still others struggle with parenting issues or family problems or making ends meet. All have developed their own unique way of incorporating life experience, whatever it is, and moving forward.

And I have a tendency to ponder – in a layman sort of way and probably more often than I should – why peoples’ lives turn out the way they do, and to marvel at the variety of strategies that people find for working around obstacles, navigating turbulence, and creating meaning. All of which have led me to start this blog.

Finally, a bit about how this will work.

I have found that it doesn’t take a hero or a saint to teach me something I can use in my life, something to help orient me, or make me more grounded, or remind me of my priorities. Sometimes, all it takes is a glimpse into someone else’s life.

So, in addition to sharing some of my own thoughts and experiences, I propose to use this blog to present the stories of ordinary women, as they choose to tell them. Through conversations, interviews, or whatever means works, I will try to collect different women’s perspectives on their own lives, or parts of their lives, and share them here (always with their permission, of course).

Initially, many of the stories presented will be family, friends or acquaintances of mine, women who are already known to me to a greater or lesser degree. Over time, however, I hope to enlarge the circle of women whose stories are shared to include women I don’t yet know, but whom I may come to know through writing this blog, or simply by living life .

Every one of us has a story.  I invite you to tune in to hear a few of them.